Online dating can be fun. I mean, it must be since most of us are doing it these days. However, there’s a dark side to it too and it’s important that we cover the good, the bad and the downright ugly!
So, today I want to talk about one of the darker sides of online dating, in particular, how to avoid being Catfished when online dating.
Catfishing has almost been made popular by platforms such as TikTok. We often see videos of people who can literally change their appearance with the likes of make-up, false eyelashes, fake tan and so on. But that’s not the kind of catfishing I’m talking about.
I have no problem with this type of video, in fact, I’m often quite impressed with the talent of some of these people but real Catfishing is a whole lot darker than simply having a good ‘glow up’.
Catfishing is a term used to describe someone who creates a false identity to deceive others online. It’s more than just appearance, it’s about deception and control.
When someone is catfishing you, they are hitting your inbox with all sorts of false information. Things about them that they think will impress but the person behind the messages has a whole other agenda.
Why someone might Catfish you
Before we delve into how to avoid being Catfished when online dating, let’s delve into some of the reasons why someone would potentially catfish you in the first place.
Pure escapism
I can almost express sympathy around this one. Sometimes, someone will create a new persona because they are trying to escape their ‘real’ life. If things are bad, creating a new person online can feel harmless and even freeing because just for a moment, you get to be and feel like someone else. The problem is, when someone else becomes emotionally invested in that person, it is not going to end well for either of them.
Low self esteem
This really applies more to the videos I was talking about earlier. Although these are now made for amusement purposes, it really began with someone who wanted to hide from their real appearance. For me, this just feels a little sad and can be harmless, providing at some point (in the not too distant future), that person is honest about the way they really look.
Power and control
This is when it starts to get really dark. A ‘true’ Catfisher will create a fake persona in order to manipulate and control another person. They are playing a part, and one that will draw you in, get you emotionally hooked and all the time, they are controlling the narrative. Scary stuff!
Revenge
This one is a shocker. Personally, I can’t understand the way some people think, but Catfishing is popular for those who want to seek revenge and they do so by taking on a fake profile. They can use this profile to try and hurt or humiliate someone without it ever being traced back to them. I mean seriously, just move on!
Financial gain
This is probably the most talked about. Catfishers can be expert con artists. They will do their research and search out the most vulnerable people and turn them into victims. They will love bomb them, make them feel incredibly special, get that person so heavily invested in them emotionally that they will literally do anything for them. Then they go in for the kill and ask to borrow money or even, gain access to bank accounts and financial details. Even writing this makes my blood boil because it happens more than you think!
That’s just highlighting a few of the reasons that someone may become a catfish but let’s look at how you can stop it happening to you.
How to avoid being catfished when online dating
It’s too good to be true
It’s an old saying but I still apply it to every area of my life. ‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is!’. The warning signs will be there from the start. Their profile would look perfect, they have a great job, they have exciting hobbies and life seems pretty great.
Stop! take a step back and if their profile is really that good, think about investigating the person you are speaking with. (No, that doesn’t mean go and stalk them, it just means get comfortable with asking questions and digging deeper).
A picture paints a thousand words
It’s common for a Catfish to use someone else’s profile picture. However, if you suspect that someone isn’t who they say they are, you could always do a Google reverse image search. Simply download their photo and then upload it into Google. If it appears on multiple accounts, it will show you. You can be savvy too!
Insist on a video call
One easy way to call out a catfish is to ask them for a video call. If they aren’t who they have shown themselves to be, they will avoid this at all costs. Note, if they are avoiding it, it’s a big fat red flag!
If they agree and you get on a call, take note of their surroundings. Check that everything matches up with their profile and the things they’ve told you.
Friend request them
Look out for them on social media. Cover all bases and look around each platform. Check out how private their account is. If you friend request them and they reject you, your spidey senses should be tingling.
Woah is me!
Catfishers are well known for their sob stories. Once they’ve reeled you in, they will start to tell you all about how hard their life is. Especially when it comes to financial hardship. Do not be tempted to part with anything. Go with the theory that you haven’t known them long and had they not met you, they would have had to sort it out some other way.
Trust your instincts
If something feels off, it probably is. Whether it’s a strange inconsistency in their story or an odd feeling you can’t shake, trust your gut. You’re probably right!
Listen, online dating is fun and catfishing is not the norm but it’s better to be vigilant than to end up being caught out.
So enjoy the experience, don’t be afraid to let your hair down, just keep a level of self awareness going and when those senses start tingling, please start listening!
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